


Fist Of Love

by Ellionne



Series: Mad as a Hatter (Crack Collection) [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Courting Rituals, Crack, Getting Together, Harry is an idiot, Hogwarts, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Draco Malfoy, Prompt Fill, Same Age, Tom Riddle-centric, Tom is an idiot, in second chapter, they all are idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29843328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellionne/pseuds/Ellionne
Summary: Tom didn’t know what else he could do.Eventually, puberty had hit Tom and it had hit hard.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
Series: Mad as a Hatter (Crack Collection) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194092
Comments: 36
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Do NOT repost, recreate or translate.**
> 
> The prompt is in the end note :D  
> I'm hyped to write a proper courtship fic with oblivious Harry now - but we'll see when I'll get a good idea and the time to write it, I guess.
> 
> Also, there will be probably a second, more cracky chapter for this fic ;)

Tom didn’t know what else he could do. 

For most of his life, Tom had thought himself to be superior to everyone around him - and he still did, in most cases. When his peers had started getting _involved_ with one another, Tom had been disgusted. It seemed such a waste of time. Time one could use to broaden their knowledge of the marvellous wonder that was magic. 

It had only been a matter of time though. 

Eventually, puberty had hit Tom and it had hit hard. 

Tom hadn’t even noticed Harry Potter before that. Not really, at least.  
He knew the other boy was also an orphan. He knew Draco Malfoy detested him with a passion, as did Professor Snape for that matter. He knew Harry was the youngest Seeker on a House team in a century and a natural on a broom. He was brilliant at Defense and abysmal in Potions.

But suddenly, Tom also knew that Harry’s eyes were bigger and brighter than his glasses would let one believe. His hair was untameable by any means but Tom was willing to bet they were softer than they looked. Harry was small and lithe, Tom could probably lift him up and carry him around all day without trouble. He would not even need his hands to do so - if Harry’s flying skills were any indication, he could probably just hold onto Tom’s waist with his strong thighs and ride him like a broo-

The images, Tom had suddenly to defend against, hadn’t been on his mind before but he couldn’t find it in him to care too much about it. 

_Cough_

Anyways, the point was: Tom had noticed Harry.  
He started to pay attention to Harry. 

He fell in love with Harry. 

But nothing he did let Harry acknowledge it. At this point, Tom wasn’t even sure if Harry just didn’t want to tell Tom off or if the other boy had really the emotional awareness of a toilet brush. 

Tom didn’t think Harry would be so cruel to lead him on. He had not a single cruel bone in his body in the first place - but also, Harry wouldn’t do anything like that to a friend. 

And while they weren’t _friends-_ friends, Tom’s continued advances had at least established a friendly acquaintance at this point. On top of this, Tom even made an additional acquaintance with Granger. 

They hadn’t much cared for each other before Tom’s obsess- _interest_ in Harry, aside from the fact that they had been tying for the highest grade in every subject more often than not over the years. Recently, though, she had made an effort to reach out to Tom. She _might_ look at him regularly with a pinch of pity in her eyes but she made it up by telling him morsels about Harry’s likes and dislikes - so Tom would gracefully ignore it. 

Harry probably just didn’t notice Tom was interested in him. 

Honestly, Tom had no idea how such a thing was possible. He was well aware that, at this point, there was a school-wide betting pool _if_ they would go out, _when_ they would go out as well as… some other matters, Tom would prefer to handle with privacy when they come to pass. 

The way Dumbledore levelled a disappointed stare at Tom every Monday over breakfast when just another week had passed without progress, led Tom to the belief that even _some_ professors were with on the betting pool. 

The point was-  
Tom had tried everything, _everything_ , to get Harry agreeing into going on a date with him or to at least make him aware of Tom’s feelings. 

He had started out with the initial stages of the complicated courtship rituals the purebloods were so fond of. 

Yeah, Tom should have known sending a bouquet of blue irises, a symbol of faith and hope, to convey his deep sentiment along with a card laced with his magic to let his intended have a feel of it, to let Harry gauge their compatibility, wouldn’t make the matter clear to the other muggle-raised boy. 

As it was, the card caught fire courtesy of a cleansing charm Finnigan attempted on his stained robe and the flowers ended up being shared around all of Harry’s friends after the girls cooed over them and Longbottom apparently asked for one to study it. 

It had been a failure. 

At least it had been a failure with a message since the traditionally raised Purebloods had been sensible enough to make the connection between Tom’s focus on the ordeal and his intentions - and they collectively backed up from any planes they made have had involving Harry.

Longbottom even fought through his social anxiety to inform Tom in an empty corridor that Harry had never shown any indication of being interested in the pureblood ways, so Tom needed not to fret that Harry had made a statement by giving the flowers away. 

After this, Tom had tried to be more, dare he say, _casual_ about the matter. 

He made a point to regularly seek Harry out and ask about his day or his thoughts on some carefully preselected topic. He shared disgustingly sugary sweets with Harry, which he had bought for this sole purpose in the first place. 

Only it turned out to be too casual. 

When Tom finally worked his way up into a position where he could ask Harry for an outing on the next Hogsmead weekend, Harry agreed readily and in the same breath gushed about all the fun they - including his Gryffindor friends - would have. He seemed so genuinely excited that Tom didn’t find it in him to clarify the matter. 

Tom wouldn’t do that again. Spending a whole day with a bunch of Gryffindors was _exhausting_ , how weren’t they all deaf by now? 

In a last desperate attempt, he had even outright _told_ Harry that he liked him. Only for Harry to pull him down for a side hug and a jovial “Well you aren’t that bad for a Slytherin either!” 

So, no.  
Tom had no idea what else he could do to bring the point across. 

He stared frowning at the back of Harry’s head, where he went with Granger and Weasley - who still eyed Tom suspiciously every chance he got - in front of him on their way to potions. The trio was talking about _Amorentia_ and whether or not it would be part of their NEWTs when Harry threw his head back and laughed freely in response to something Granger had said. 

“I won’t know love until it hits me in the face.” 

Tom nearly missed a step as his mind caught up with what he just learned. 

Sure, it wasn’t a common practise as far as Tom knew but it wasn’t his place to judge, was it? And besides, he was desperate. He fastened his pace until he could reach out for Harry and grasp his shoulder, pulling him around. 

“Wha-“

There was a sickening crunching sound when Tom’s balled fist connected with Harry’s nose. Harry would have been crumbled to the floor if it hadn’t been for Tom’s stabilising hold. 

Tom was met with Harry’s unbelieving, wet eyes - tears ready to fall just as freely as the blood from his nose. Maybe this hadn’t been a good idea? 

“I-“

“You asshole, I knew it!”

Only Tom’s reflexes, developed by growing up in an orphanage, allowed him to go with Weasley’s punch and avoid a broken nose. A bruised cheek was much easier to handle. 

Regardless, Tom levelled a disapproving glare at Weasley.

“Sorry Weasley, but I have _just_ made it clear that I can’t return your feelings.”

It was only due to the silence that had spread over the usually bustling hall, that Harry’s nasal whisper was able to reach everyone in the vicinity.

_“What the hell?!”_

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco PoV right following up where the first chapter left off.  
> Fair warning: It's the crackiest thing I've ever written and probably the most ridiculous thing I'll ever write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta & no patience for real editing.  
> 've almost forgotten about it tbh ^^'

Oh, _Merlin -_ were those two for real? 

Draco had done nothing, _nothing,_ in the entirety of his life to deserve the utter bullshit Tom or Potter or - as seemed to be the recent trend - _both of them_ put him through with sad regularity. 

He wasn’t paid enough for this. Merlin, even if he were, he wouldn’t need the money - he was sitting on a fortune in his trust fund alone!

Of course, Draco was down for Potter getting his nose broken any day, but seeing Tom - brilliant, posed Tom - looking at Potter with such blatant _hope_ in his eyes as if he seriously expected the other boy to finally notice his ridiculous crush… it was disgusting. 

Draco would follow Tom to the end of the world, had all but sworn fealty to him, but since Tom had discovered his hormones - and Potter right with them - he behaved like a fool, was a disaster waiting to happen. All of his common sense flew out of the window if Potter dared to do as much as to _breathe._

It didn’t help at all that Tom crushed on the _one_ person alive with even less emotional awareness than himself. 

Merlin, help them all. 

“Pott- no. _Harry-_ “

Potter whipped his head to face Draco, the mighty irritated scowl disturbed by his hand still covering his bleeding nose. 

“Just-“ Salazar, how was this so difficult - why had Draco to do this? A quick glance to the side and into Tom’s sickening hopeful face was answer enough. Draco sighed. 

“Just, for once in your life, do the right thing and punch Riddle with all your might. He has deserved it, has he not?”

There. Draco even managed some Slytherin-cunning in the face of- whatever this situation was supposed to be. His father would be proud of him. 

Tom sure was, if the eager grin was anything to go by. Oh Merlin, he even went as far as holding his cheek towards Potter in excited anticipation. This couldn’t- 

Draco had no words for what this situation as a whole did to him on a spiritual level. 

“What-“

“Come on, just do it. I’m not paid enough to deal with Riddle’s emotional constipation - I’m not even paid at all! Can you believe the nerve?!”

“God, Malfoy. What’s wrong with you?!”

 _Really?_ Potter dared to talk to him as if _Draco_ was the strange one in this scenario instead of his would-be-boyfriend?! He wanted to snarl right back into Potter’s face but was distracted by Tom’s interruption. Draco hadn’t thought he would ever see the strong defacto-leader of Slytherin peering down on Potter under his eyelashes, looking like a kicked puppy. 

Draco would have preferred to live his life without seeing it to be honest. It was- disturbing. Just like the soft whisper that didn’t fit Tom’s usually all-encompassing presence at all. 

“Why won’t you punch me with love, Harry? Don’t you want to?”

Oh, Salazar, the second-hand embarrassment was almost too much for Draco to handle, it bodily hurt. He looked up to catch Granger’s eyes in the hope of having one _(1)_ sane person to sympathise with but- the girl looked at their friends with an air of academic interest that frightened Draco to the core.

At least Weasley did look as disturbed and bewildered as Draco felt. Sadly, as unbelievable as it seemed, the ridiculousness of the situation hadn’t quite reached a level yet where Draco could allow himself to sympathise with Weasley, so he ignored the other boy for the time being. 

“Well, I guess you could say, I’d love to punch you right now?”

Tom’s whole demeanour brightened considerably as if Potter's voice hadn’t been just as dripping with sarcasm as his nose was still dripping blood, barely held back by his hand. 

“Do it! Punch me as hard with love as I’ve punched you!”

Salazar, Draco had believed this trainwreck of a situation to be at its worst already - apparently, he was mistaken. 

Just when Potter raised his hand reluctantly - probably just to get rid of what he suspected to be a lunatic wearing Tom Riddle’s face - Professor Snape appeared and caught his hand. Because, of course, he did. 

“Detention, Potter.” 

The smug glee in Snape’s voice promised nothing good. Was there really a way for this mess to get even worse?

“It’s not what it looks like! Riddle just asked to be punched!”

_Oh, Hectate, no!_

Draco knew enough about Professor Snape’s own school-time to know the situation had, in fact, somehow gotten worse in the span of five seconds. His father had warned him before he had attended his first year to _not_ outright bullying a single person. That Snape would never stand for it. It didn’t take a genius to understand the implications, especially since the Professor ended up practically bullying a single student himself. The same student who - admittedly rightfully - lay the blame at the apparent victim’s feet.

“You’re just like your father, Potter.”

Oh no. No, no, no.  
Draco was - almost as much as Tom but for entirely different reasons - kind of an expert regarding Potter. And if there was one way to get Potter’s short fuse burning like nothing else it was a depreciating mention of his parents. Usually, Potter didn’t care who was around when someone dared to push this particular button - on one occasion he had cursed Draco while in the presence of Professor McGonagall - but as Draco had to learn now, Potter didn’t even care who was the offender. 

With a snarl, Potter balled his bloodied fist and before anyone could intervene, before Draco could do as much as suck in a shocked breath, it had already connected with Professor Snape’s nose, getting even bloodier in the process while Potters face lost all colour and went as pale as a ghost as soon as his actions caught up with him. 

Snape’s eyes, peering down over his freshly broken _(and strangely straighter than before?)_ nose, screamed bloody murder and before they could process what had happened - Tom’s mouth partly opened in shock as he watched the scene unfold - Snape had Potter already dragged away. It wasn’t clear if he dragged Potter to Madame Pomfrey for healing or to the Lake to drown him, and Draco had no intentions to find out.

At least the horror show of Tom behaving like a puppy was over. Potter had left, Tom’s common sense would return soon. Thank Merlin.

“What does Harry see in him? Is it the greasy hair or that beaked nose? What am I lacking, Draco? If it’s a mastery I’ll get one soon enou- Draco? Draco!”

Fuck it. 

Draco wouldn’t wait for Tom’s common sense to come around again. If it took even a second longer _Draco_ would punch Tom and he wasn’t up for the fallout the action would bring. 

  
  
  


Ron Weasley watched in disturbed fascination as Tom Riddle, known as the _charming_ _Mr Perfect_ \- he was known as that to Ron in particular due to all the gushing Harry did on a regular - groaned when Malfoy understandably abandoned him in the wake of whatever it was that had just happened. The poor sod even hid his face in his hands while muttering some nonsense.

“Should we- should we intervene?”

“Not yet.” Hermione put her head to the side like she always did when she thought something over. “Just let them figure it out themselves. It's getting interesting.”

Oh Merlin, help. 

It seemed like Malfoy was the only sane person around and Ron wouldn’t be caught dead associating with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the dialogue was an additional prompt to the one of the first chapter :D

**Author's Note:**

> I have [tumblr](https://ellionne.tumblr.com/) now. Feel free to check it out and talk to me or something. :D
> 
> ______
> 
> Prompt by tomarry trash on Discord:  
> Harry: I won't know love until it hits me in the face haha!  
> Tom: * *walks toward him and punches him in the face* *  
> Golden trio: [insert pikachu face]  
> Ron: * *punches back* * WTF you bastard!  
> Tom: Sorry Weasel I can't return your feelings


End file.
